Posts

The Edge

 ( Trigger Warnings are important to me, please do not read if you do not want to read about the following: loss of a loved one and suicidal ideation) The Edge I remember seeing the Facebook post and my heart immediately sinking down into my feet. It was the feeling your stomach makes when you plunge down a rollercoaster, heartbreak. I quietly left the house and said my goodbyes. I was so stunned and full of emptiness, I couldn’t even cry. I just got into my car and drove. I wasn’t sure where I was going, anywhere, just away. I ended up at an outlook over a nearby lake. It was early morning, and the mist was lingering through the tops of the trees. I got out of my car and walked down the pathway, I got to the bottom of the outlook and stood at the fence line. Below the trees the lake water remained eerily silent as the fog danced around without sunlight. The tears began streaming as I stood closer to the fence and the edge of the outlook. How could this be happening to me? I had alrea

Today I Brushed My Teeth

(Trigger Warnings are very important to me so please consider the following before reading: mentions of postpartum issues, sleep issues, and health issues)   Today I brushed my teeth, and tomorrow, I will brush them again. Shortly after I had my son four years ago, I became sort of a mess. I really didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing as a mom, just a year before I was convinced that I never would be a mom due to my life long issues with being over weight and having PCOS. But here I was, a crying, squirming baby in my arms, my hormones completely wrecked, and my whole self-identity completely gone. It wasn’t long before I started having trouble emotionally and physically. I passed the postpartum check up just fine, but it wasn’t long before my issues with sleep and hygiene began. Now I am a very clean person, I shower every day, all of the sprays and body washes, but for whatever reason, I stopped brushing my teeth shortly after having my son. It happened so suddenly that I didn